Continuation of An Assessment of Sydney Carton

A friend at work said an interesting thing to me a few days ago. She said I am the most happy and contented person she knows. Interesting. I am quite happy and contented, and many people aren’t, even normal Christians. I overheard a guy at school asking a girl recently how she felt about life, and she answered that at the moment she didn’t like it very well. Well, I do. It’s not thrilling or anything—I don’t even have what most people call a love-life. But I enjoy myself while walking and reading, or going to class and having theological wrangles, or going to class and writing my books, or coming home and talking about life with my house-mates, or hanging out with my good friends, or going ice skating, or sitting still in the mornings and reading the Bible in Greek. I enjoy doing what I do, even work, and if I didn’t enjoy work, there would still be other things to enjoy.

I believe there are a variety of factors to this: I think I am where God has placed me, I’m doing things I intensely enjoy, I have a natural character for optimism and content, God has taught me to see beauty and joy wherever I am, and life is going very well for me. What if life weren’t going so well? Obviously one can’t be happy all the time. But what about that general sense of well-being and content? I would hope that would remain. I don’t know whether or not it would. But I know God has been kind to me and has taught me to be happy and content with what I have and am now.

Perhaps the largest part of it is that I’m content with myself. I asked God to help me become so about a year ago, and I am. The things of life outside the self are often bad enough, but when you hate, dislike, or are dissatisfied with who you are…there’s no contentment to be had there. How can you believe in a God of love if you don’t believe yourself lovable? How can you believe He would accept you as you are if you don’t believe yourself acceptable? Even with all your faults and ways of displeasing Him, of which I have many. And how can you love others if you are discontented and unhappy inside your own self? But if you see how God loves you in spite of everything and how He values your life and personhood and character, your own attitude can change.

Perhaps that’s what I mean when I say Sydney Carton redeemed himself by his sacrifice. When he began to love the despised Darnay and offered his own life in his place, he understood the immense value that sacrifice places on the one sacrificed for. I think he understood the value that his own worthless life had because Jesus sacrificed himself for it. Like Boromir and the hobbits. When the great Man of Gondor gave up his life to save two little unimportant Hobbits, he gave them great value. Isn’t that enough to give anyone a sense of worth and well-being, to know someone considered you valuable enough to save, valuable enough to interpose his own life for?